


Statistically Improbable

by Mysana



Series: Naruto Short Fics [9]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Background Relationships, Humor, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, Short One Shot, outsider pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22336375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysana/pseuds/Mysana
Summary: Shikamaru's point of view of Team 7
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Naruto Short Fics [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/993399
Comments: 18
Kudos: 309





	Statistically Improbable

"Shikamaru!" Ino says, grabbing his vest as he tries to slink past her and Kiba.

"Hm?" Shikamaru says, trying to look  _ very _ tired and uninterested, more than usual.

"Is Sakura or Naruto hotter?" Ino asks, leaning in far too close into Shikamaru's personal space. 

"It's obviously Narut-" Kiba starts. Ino hits him in the stomach and he sort of chokes before catching his breath again.

"Don't say anything until he gives his decision!" Ino hisses even though Shikamaru can hear every word, and she must know that. 

They both look at him expectantly so Shikamaru looks around for some sort of escape. One of his cousins (third cousin, once removed, if he remembers correctly, which he does) is looking at mangos, but there's approximately nothing that would make them come help him. His life isn't in danger, and they'd correctly assume this is a very dangerous situation. 

"Uhhhhh..." Against his will, the thought of Sakura and Naruto both float into his head. Sakura is fighting, slightly sweaty and the goddess of the destruction that she absolutely is. Naruto is grinning, but with  _ that _ look in his eyes, the one that says you aren't leaving until agree with him, heart and soul. (Sakura's face is almost a scream of rage, slivers of rock flying around him. Naruto's eyes are burning like blue fire, his fist held up in righteous surety.)

He sees Kurenai and almost leaps towards her, only to be dragged back by the collar of his chunk vest. 

"Don't try and run away!" Ino yells again, and now it's Kiba who is far too close for comfort. Kiba always smells a bit like wet dog, which is funny because Akamaru doesn't. Akamaru smells like pine trees and fresh soil - in a nice way. 

"Just tell us!" Kiba insists.

"We won't get mad, no matter who you say," Ino lies. 

"I don't-" Shikamaru starts to lie, cutting himself off from finishing ( _ don't know, they're both so hot _ ). 

After a moment, Ino and Kiba share a look before Kiba starts off.

"Look, Naruto is obviously hotter. First, he smells  _ amazing _ , like the forest, and happiness, and animals!" Akamaru yips, though Shikamaru can't tell if he's agreeing or not. Shikamaru's never  _ smelled _ Naruto, but he can imagine that Naruto smells okay? He can't really imagine Naruto smelling bad. Even when he was dripping with sweat after sparring with Sakura, he smelled pretty nice. Not that Shikamaru was paying attention to that. "Second, he's super nice, to everyone! Being nice is pretty hot..." 

Shikamaru and Ino watch as a flush rises in Kiba's cheeks. Kiba wasn't wrong though. It was like Naruto was completely unable to be mean to someone. Even when people look away from him, scowling while they do, Naruto is all smiles. Shikamaru doesn't like Sasuke, doesn't trust him. But the way Naruto chases after him... He's not just nice, but he's loyal to his friends too. 

"Kiba!" Ino lets go of Shikamaru to shake Kiba and Shikamaru tries to step away. Ino grabs him again and pulls him too close. 

"Third!" Kiba says, "he's strong! Have you seen how many shadow clones he can make! And he's really creative with his strength too!" Shikamaru will  _ never _ forget seeing chakra flare around Naruto at the chunin exams. He'd never seen so much visible chakra in his  _ life _ . He hadn't thought it possible. Naruto had done that though, and then he'd fought Gaara right afterwards. 

Sure, Naruto was a jinchuriki, which helped, but he came up with an idea that even  _ Shikamaru _ hadn't, and that was a rare thing.

"That's four!" Ino hisses again, lucky missing the way Shikamaru involuntarily nods. Naruto  _ is _ strong. It had surprised all of them, during the chunin exams. Now that he's back from his out-of-village training now, and much for mature than he'd been at twelve... He's all the more dangerous. He heard that Naruto and Sakura beat  _ Kakashi Hatake _ in a spar. 

"Fine, you can do four as well then! I think how creative Naruto is, is part of how strong he is!"

Ino makes an annoyed noise and turns away, looking Shikamaru in the eyes.

"Have you  _ seen _ how pretty Sakura is?" 

It's said with such seriousness that Shikamaru can't help but nod. He has. He's seen her bright green eyes, and lovely pink hair, and the diamond on her forehead forever making it clear how  _ smart _ she is. Yes, Sakura Haruno is pretty. 

"And you know how smart she is?"

Again, Shikamaru can't help but nod. She'd gotten high grades in the academy, even while full of Sasuke-fever. Now? She's literally training with the Hokage. If he didn't know that she'd never take Naruto's place as Hokage... He'd vote for her. He hadn't played her at shogi, but he's bet she'd be a good player. (If not, he'd be happy to teach her.)

"And she's  _ so _ strong..." Ino drifts off, still holding Shikamaru close, who swallows. Sakura is so strong. The first time Sakura broke a boulder with a single punch... He'd gone as bright red as his skin allowed. 

"Lastly..." Ino grinned and Shikamaru almost shuddered. "Sakura has her own life." Really, that's cheating. Ino  _ knows _ that when Shikamaru tried to date Rei, that the way she wanted to spend time with him  _ all _ of the time had made him uncomfortable. Ino  _ knows _ he wants someone who'll keep taking missions because he'd really like to stay at one with his future kids, now matter how much of a pipedream that is. 

"Look," Shikamaru says, genuinely pulling back a step from Ino. She frowns, probably having expected Shikamaru to just frown about how troublesome this was. 

"Sakura, look!" A voice yells. Naruto's voice yells. 

Shikamaru's not saying the only reason he's at the market on a Wednesday at 3:30 in the afternoon is because he knows Sakura and Naruto visiting this afternoon while has a break from the hospital and Naruto's current teacher is busy... but that's exactly what he's saying. 

"Shikamaru's here again!"

Shikamaru freezes. 

"Hey dude," Naruto's hand lands on Shikamaru's shoulder, a friendly weight. Kiba and Ino are both staring past Shikamaru. "Do you do your shopping now as well? Oh hey Kiba, Ino!"

Shikamaru turns, far too slowly. 

Naruto is smiling. Oh Sage he's smiling. His canine teeth (just a touch longer than normal) are  _ sparkling _ . 

"Yeah..." Shikamaru says, looking at the bridge of Naruto's nose, because if he looks into Naruto's eyes he's going to go catatonic. "I always shop on Wednesday." 

"But Shika, I thought your mom-" Ino starts until Shikamaru stomps on her foot. She'll get it, probably. 

"Oh cool! Do you guys wanna join us?" Naruto's smile widens and he glances back at Sakura who just looks amused. 

"Yeah!" Kiba says, leaning forward, scooping Akamaru (who's much too large to be discreetly carried) up into his arms. 

"I'd love too!" Ino says, locking arms with Sakura. 

"Sure," Shikamaru says, wondering if he can use shadows to regulate his own heart (he can't). 

"What were you guys talking about?" Naruto asks, looking to Kiba, who looks at Shikamaru, who looks to Ino. 

There's a moment of too long silence before Ino says,

"Hot people!"

Kiba and Shikamaru nod.

"You know, people we find attractive, real beauties, you wouldn't know them!"

"What," Naruto says, "you don't think I'm  _ beautiful _ ?" He says it like a joke, but Shikamaru thinks he might really think-

"Don't be stupid Naruto!" Sakura says, whacking Naruto on the head with a closed fist. His eyes go dazed for a moment and Shikamaru winces. Sakura's stronger than she realises now. 

"I don't know," Ino says, "Sasuke was pretty handsome..." Naruto doesn't start shouting like he would've at twelve. Instead he rubs his chin for a second, looking up to the corner of his eyes like he's trying to remember.

"You're right," Naruto nods, "I look pretty good but..." Everyone looks at Naruto, "Sasuke was super hot last time we saw him."

"He's a traitor," Sakura points out, eyebrow raised. 

"Doesn't stop him from being hot," Naruto says, looking at Sakura. It's for the best, Kiba's jaw has literally dropped. 

"True," Sakura says after a moment. "Did you see that belt though?" She smiles and Naruto laughs.

"I said hot, not fashionable!"

"He'd be so much better with some good mesh and a properly fitting pair of pants." Sakura and Naruto nod at each other and Shikamaru cannot believe this. Well. Actually he can. He doesn't want to though. Sakura, Naruto, Naruto's new (mysterious) teacher, and their fill-in teammate are the only ones who've seen Sasuke recently. If Sasuke is as attractive as Sakura and Naruto though. That would be both statistically unlikely, and  _ extremely _ unfair. 

***

"Do you think Sasuke is really as hot as Naruto and Sakura were describing?" Ino asks, looking to Shikamaru and Kiba specifically, as the ones who were there for the conversation. Shino and Hinata both look pretty curious in the answer, Choji glances at Shikamaru before turning back to his snacks. 

"I think that is improbable," Shino offers, "why? Because I believe that Naruto and Sakura are biased in their view of Sasuke."

"Do you think?" Hinata says, "Do you think they both love Sasuke?" Everyone frowns. Naruto and Sakura probably do. Sasuke might not even come back.

"It doesn't matter," Shino says, "why? Because if Sasuke does come back, Sakura and Naruto will both be occupied by that. If Sasuke does not return then Naruto and Sakura will both be busy trying to be strong enough to bring him to Konoha, even against his will."

"Sasuke's never been that hot!" Kiba says, "the girls only thought he was hot because he was quiet!"

"And how nice that would've been, if the rest of you had been quiet too!"

...Shikamaru doesn't think that makes sense. From the way Kiba and Ino are almost nose to nose, he suspects their words aren't really the point. Akamaru tucks his nose under his paws and Shikamaru is more sure. 

Ino doesn't blush. She trained it out of herself when she was thirteen. She is squeezing her fist  _ really _ hard like she does when she's using chakra to stop herself from blushing though. 

"It's not like it matters," Shikamaru says, "no one's gonna say anything either way. If someone insults Sasuke, Naruto'll punch them. If someone compliments Sasuke too much, Sakura'll punch them." Shikamaru's thought about it. A lot. 

***

Shikamaru watches Naruto's first announcement as Hokage with a strange mixture of joy and fear. All of their year group has been waiting for this since they were sixteen. On the other hand, Shikamaru is now Naruto's assistant. Naruto's gotten stronger over the years. He's gotten better at diplomacy. He's gotten  _ better _ at understanding how run Konoha. This is going to be a lot of work though. 

Sakura walks onto the balcony, placing a hand on his right shoulder. She's wearing her official medic uniform. He's not seen her wear it since she got appointed head of the hospital.

In the shadow Shikamaru can sense Sasuke's presence. No one's made any announcements. Shikamaru has family in ANBU though. He knows that Sasuke's already a captain, and that the current head of ANBU is looking for a successor. Shikamaru knows that no one is more loyal to Naruto than Sasuke. (Besides  _ maybe _ Sakura, but it's probably a tie.)

It really is unfair that Naruto and Sakura weren't exaggerating about how hot Sasuke was. Team 7 is just... Too Good. 

Ino is fanning herself besides him.

"I bet that when they sleep together they spend the whole time complement each other," she whispers. 

"Nah, I think they spend the whole time silently making  _ intense _ eye contact." Kiba says, holding Mirai, who's waving at Sakura. 

"I don't want to think about it," Shikamaru says. (He's definitely thinking about it.)


End file.
